Post Service

         The end of this adventure is a whole lot different than I had imagined it when we first started visiting the Ling family. I keep thinking about how nervous I was to enter their house for the first time. Now, it feels unreal that our group will no longer step foot together into the home of their loving family. Our final minutes there with them was extremely bitter sweet. I could not think of the words to say to tell them that we would not be coming back. When things come to an end I always start thinking about the beginning. Reflecting back on the time we have spent with Nei, Dawt, Sui, and Do, I am realizing that there were a few themes present throughout our the entirety of our 10 hours together. 

         

         One theme that was present during every visit was language. Language is one of the largest barriers that separates one culture from another culture. It is what every cultures needs to communicate interculturally and even intraculturally. Both verbal and nonverbal communication were essential everyday we spent with our family. In order for us to successfully teach them about our culture they needed to pick up our message decode to be comprehended and send feedback to us. Later on the communication was becoming more immediate and transactional. Linguistic rules of the English language were also being used and broken during our visits. Whether it be pronouncing with the phonological rules, understanding the semantics, or the pragmatic social norms of our language. A lot of nonverbal language was used as well. Such as teaching them to connect body parts with their names. In order to do that we had to point to specific body parts. Once we practiced pointing then describing and naming body parts we could move onto more verbal questions to comprehend. 

         Another theme that I noticed was the application of the Social Penetration Theory. The very first day was filled with one word conversations and just basic facts about our lives such as our names. Our relationship at the beginning was tremendously impersonal with a small depth of self-disclosure. After each visit, we all learned something new about each other and were peeling away the layers of our relationship. With more and more disclosure we were moving further from impersonal relationships and closer to personal relationships. Reciprocity was a large factor for development of our personal relationships. We would ask them different questions every day and after they gave an answer, we would disclose the same information. It was the same even when we would just state a random fact about ourselves, they would respond with the same self-disclosure. 

         The last theme that I experienced during the whole service was Identity and more specifically, reflected appraisal. This goes hand in hand with the Looking-Glass Self. Since Nei and Dawt's children's perception of them had a larger impact on them it affected how the parents behaved during our visits. They would always pretend to not pay attention, but do it behind their children's backs. The parents were not as concerned if we saw because we were just acquaintances. Since they think that their children look up to them to be intelligent and wise they would laugh when their children made a mistake and not give themselves any opportunity to make mistakes. This was what happened everyday. Each visit I would ask them to join and they would simply say no and look away. 

        Our service hours may be over, but our relationships with Do and Sui will continue to flourish and grow. The distance from a most personal relationship will continue to decrease. The moment we described to them that we would not be coming back I saw the disappointed looks on their face. Do asked us all for our phone numbers and Facebook names. As soon as I wrote them down I could see his dreary face brighten up so cheerfully. It made me very excited to keep in touch with them. Do and I have already gotten in contact with each other and I will continue to use these themes and concepts and keep them in my mind as we continue to develop our relationship. I will also use this experience in the further when I start my career as a physical therapist also just flat out meeting new people. In order to give workouts to my patients they mud be able to interpret my communication the way it was meant to. There is no doubt that some will be from a different culture. This experience has made me expand my horizon while trying to effectively communicate and teach people of other cultures. 

During Service #3

         Our visit today was a little bit more laid back than our past visits. Do and Sui are already very good at their alphabet so today we started off by focusing more on difficult numbers and how to count money. We brought a small bag of multiple pennies, nickels, dimes, and quarters and also some singles and a five dollar bill. The bills were easiest for them to remember because they had the number values clearly written on them. When we first got there, Do answered the door and only him and his mother were at their apartment. I figured it would be like the last time and we would be able to focus on Do and give him our full attention again. Do started off a little bit slow with the memorization of the names and values of the coins, but after he got that down it was smooth sailing from then on. 

         About a half hour after we arrived, there was a knock on their apartment door. Sui and Nei had just gotten back from their English classes that they take during the day. Even though Sui was just learning English in her class she still was very eager to come work with us. Because Sui showed up we got to work with Do with the money before she got the chance to. We went over the names of the coins and their values and it helped Sui and also made Do an expert with money. As I had talked about before I thought it would be beneficial for Sui if we worked with her separately. It was perfect since Do knew what we were talking about he knew to sit back and watch and even translate for Sui exactly when she needed him. In a sense, we did get to work with Sui independently and I think it helped her tremendously. 

         The rest of our time with Do and Sui, we spent just trying to have conversation with some verbal and nonverbal cues as well. This helped them to not just hear the words and memorize a word with a picture, but also to comprehend what we said and comprehend how to respond. During our time I began to realize the Social Penetration Theory taking place. The Social Penetration Theory explains how people move from an impersonal relationship to a personal relationship. The very first day we had a very impersonal relationship with Do and Sui. All that we disclosed to each other was our names and then teaching them some basic words and numbers in English. Now that they are more comfortable with us I can see us all peeling the layers of our onions to reach a more personal relationship. We were talking about how their classes were going and what their favorite things were such as food and subjects in school. Their vocabulary is limited, however, with the amount of words they can understand and put into sentences they are giving us a look into their lives more and more everyday that we see them. I can also see the Social Penetration Theory taking place within the group of volunteers and especially with Aj and me. We had a rough start with coming together and being able to actually cooperate to go and visit the family. Now, we are becoming a lot closer and having detailed conversations with each other on the car ride and comparing music selections.  

        Also during our conversation I started noticing how they spoke English words. As we teach them more complex words it is more clear for me to see what they can and cannot pronounce. They do not know the phonological rules of linguistics in English. Phonological rules have to do with how the words of a language sound or how they are pronounced. Whenever we would ask them what we were sitting on they would say "cou" and leave out the "ch" in the word couch. I said it slowly for them and it took Do an especially long time just to say the full word couch. In their language I am guessing the sound of "ch" is not used very often or maybe even ever. Another word they had a hard time with was saying dime. Instead Do would say "dine" and when he did pronounce it right he had to use a strong and long emphasis on the "i". When Sui said dime she would actually pronounce it "dame" and use an a sound instead of an i sound. Even though we were speaking these words to them and they could hear us, it was their phonological rules in their language that kept them from being able to correctly pronounce English words.

        The Social Penetration theory is explaining to me why I get more and more excited to see our family with the people I have the pleasure of volunteering with. In the future I am looking forward to moving our relationship to an even more personal state and getting to know these people beyond what they would disclose to an impersonal relationship. I can also use it to know my boundaries of how fast or how slow to move into our relationships and become close friends. Knowing that their memorization and understand of words is tremendously improving, we can try to spend our last day together working on the pronunciation of words. We can move forward to harder readings and be right next to them to help them with any pronunciation help and also give them a visual how certain letters together make a different sound than what they are used to. 

During Service #2

        This week was a lot different than the last time we visited the family. Since, we were able to change our schedule for visiting we are now able to work in a more closed environment without a bunch of children running around. It was most different for me because the first time I spent most, if not all, of my time working with the young kids. Now, we are able to go to their apartment where our family lives. I did not quite know what to expect because I knew that this would be nothing like the last visit we made, especially because it was our first time without Kelly. I also, was not sure which family at the past house was the family that we would be working with for the rest of our time. As soon as the mother opened the door I recognized her and then I saw their children, which were the main focus of the end of our visit the last time. This time, we were able to meet their father although we do not get to converse with the parents as much as I had hoped. 

        When, we first sat down we asked them if they remembered our names. At first they called me Amy, but did not know any other names. After we told them what our names really were, we went over their names. The father's name is Nei, the mother's name Dawt, the daughter is Sui and the son is Do. The only one I remembered was Do because it was fairly easy and for some reason the name stuck in my brain. He was also the one who seemed to learn faster and in turn be more talkative. When the name game was said and done we started by playing the card game, Go Fish. I noticed that it was only us and the children that were sitting around the table and I asked the parents if they wanted to play too. Right away Do said no for them, but then I asked the parents directly and they also said no. I could see the Looking-Glass Self coming out in the parents very clearly. The Looking-Glass Self how we construct ourselves through who we are supposed to be around certain people. Because they were around their kids they behaved in a way that they believe that their children view them. They are trying to keep the image to their kids that they are wiser and more powerful because they are older.  Not participating in the games and activities we were doing gave them the ability to not have their children see them struggling with the new language. Since they believe that their children look up to them, they did not want to show them weakness by being told their were wrong by us college students who are also younger. However, I could still see them sneaking in some peaks of our activities and showing how they actually were very eager to learn, just not with their children around.

        We did some more work with the book and I began to pay more attention to the daughter Sui. Even though Do was the one doing most of the talking, I could still see Sui trying her best to learn English. She was focusing very hard on the pictures that we were pointing to. I also noticed that her clothing was actually very stylish. The mother wore a traditional looking, long skirt and Sui was in jeans and a nice shirt. Later on, we asked them to write out their names, birth dates, and their address. The first thing that I noticed while I was watching Sui write her name was that she started her name with a "j". I wrote it off because I thought that maybe the letters are pronounced differently in their language. When she was finished, with her writing I took another look at her name and noticed that she wrote out "Jen" as her name. That was when I realized that Sui was trying to assimilate with our culture. Assimilation is when a person of one culture takes in a new cultures beliefs, values, and norms. She probably thought that when people heard her name Sui it would link her back to being Burmese like she is. I think that more than anything she just wants to fit in with the norms that we have here in America. She wants to push away her old life to make a new one here. Changing her name to "Jen" was her first step to assimilating and becoming a normal kid in the United States. 

        Our next visit two days later, Sui was very sick and stayed in bed. I am guessing Dawt was taking care of her because she was not present that day either. It was just Nei, Do, and us and our plan was to make a good old pan of brownies. We went through measurements and the words for the different utensils that we needed in order to make the brownies. While they were baking we went over some more pages in a book and we even had him read a children's book to us. after each page I would ask him a question about what he read so he could get used to and practice understanding along with reading. When, we took out the brownies and tried to cut them up we realized they were not quite how we wanted them to be. Since we did not give enough time to bake them, they were a little bit under cooked. Instead of each getting one piece of the brownies, we all shared a pile of brownie mush. it was nice to have some god laughs with Do and see him having fun with us too. While we were eating, I used ethnorelativism when Do got us some drinks to go along with the brownies. Ethnorelativism is the belief that all cultures normal and their behaviors are appropriate from their perspective. He asked us if we wanted water and we all said yes, but then he said that it was not hot. I did not understand what he was saying until I looked at the tea kettle that he was about to use to heat up the water. Instead of laughing or making any strange face I just told him that it was okay. In my head I went through reasons why he would think that the water would be hot. In America we drink the water cold, but maybe in Burma they drink it hot or water to him was considered some sort of tea. Instead, he got us Mountain Dew which was also a strange combinations, however, I went along with it and drank it anyways. 

        In future visits, I can use what I know about the parent's Looking-Glass Self to try to show them what activities we are doing. Instead of keeping the learning to the kids only I can try to let the parents see what we are doing so they can learn more through observation and not have to compromise how their children identify them. Also, with Sui I am going to start to call her Jen as she had written on the paper. I also feel that it would be a good idea to teach her separate from Do. i noticed that Do answers our questions before Sui has a chance to think and respond. Maybe, if I were to give her that time that she needs i can help her assimilate as she wants to and become a part of our culture. This was the first time but definitely will not be the last time that I will have to use ethnorelativism while working with the family. It is important that I keep in mind that they were not raised and do not have the same background as I do. The last thing that I want to do is deter them from learning and deter myself from teaching because of a misunderstanding and judgement of how they behave turning into a conflict between us.  

During Service #1

        The nervousness did not really kick in until I turned off the car and looked at the door that i was soon going to be entering. I was scared that I was going to get frustrated with myself when I could not get them to understand what I was saying. When I first walked in I noticed the multiple kids and babies in the room. It was very unexpected because Kelly said that our family was a mother, father, son, and daughter. It was not until then end that I found out that on Fridays the family comes to a different families house because they feel more comfortable. Another thing that I noticed was that they were watching Netflix when we got there and that really surprised me that they had such knowledge of new technology already. We started off with learning each others names and we were quizzed many times to try to engrave it into our heads. The first thing I noticed was how certain sounds of letters were difficult for them to pronounce. It is interesting to realize and witness that different languages have an absence of sounds that we say everyday. One of the girls Catherine had been in America for 5 years so it was a big relief that they were already comfortable with that could translate when they could not understand what we were saying. Kelly asked them what they want to learn the while we are there. Every single one of them said with great enthusiasm that they want to learn English. Right after that we jumped right into teaching.
       
        Kelly gave Aj, James, and Amy the game of Uno to play with the older kids. She gave me an ABC book filled with pictures of different objects that start with certain letters. I went through it with a young boy named Salomon. I was very shocked that he was not as shy as i thought he would be with me. He was also very smart. He did not always know the words to describe, but for the ones he did not know he would always act out the animal or know what the objects do. With the boy there was a lot of interactional communication which is when the communication is focused more on the sender which was me and there is delayed feedback from the receiver. I found it very interesting to watch him try to decode in his mind the message I had given to him and also analyzing the pictures on the page. He did always give me feedback which is why it was interactional, but it just took him longer to think of what to do or what to say.
     
        Later on, another young girl came over to me and started reading the book with us also. She knew much more English than Salomon did. Our conversations were more transactional because she would give me very detailed and instantaneous feedback. Whenever I would ask her how to say a word in English she would know it like the back of her hand. More transactional communication was when Catherine would translate for the two siblings who did not quite understand us. I also witnessed face-work while I was working with the young girl. Not only would she say the word I would be pointing to, but she would tell me what happens or how that word relates to the real world. This would be an example of admiration face where she was concerned with me noticing her talents and how accomplished she had become in her English which mostly everyone else was struggling with. One example was when I asked her about a picture of the night and she replied saying that it is when everyone puts their pajamas one and says good night and goes to sleep. I was very impressed with how smart she was at such a young age and even when her parents could not help her in her learning process.
     
        My favorite part of the day was at the end when we played Simon Says. Kelly explained the game and had Catherine relay the message onto Do and Sui, the two siblings. They seemed to have the most trouble with their lefts and their rights. I loved it the most because it was nice to have a fun game with them and we could all laugh together while we were also teaching them English at the same time. I also grew very found of Salomon and I could tell he liked me too when he would run from the kitchen and come attack me and slobber all over my face. It was easier to get him to sit down and teach him when I felt comfortable with him and I knew he was comfortable with me too.

Pre-Service Blog

        My hopes for the service-learning project are equally spread between the benefits of the refugee family and also for myself. I do not mean that in a selfish way. I hope that they will give me the honor of teaching me as much as I hope I can teach them about making a successful life in America. I am not hoping to gain a quantity of knowledge from them, but I am more concerned about the quality. If I do my part right I am looking forward to being able to teach them more in regards to quantity. However, if I am only able to learn one thing from them, then it is my wish that I can fully understand the quality of that lesson and that means more to me than anything else. I believe that if we can both forget about our differences in background we can focus first on coming closer as individuals and working together as one unit. The success for the service-learning project does not depend on one of us nor is one individual's success independent from the other's. Everyone involved is dependent on everyone else. I hope to gain their trust so that we may become closer and possibly even continue to stay in touch with one another even after my 10 hours has passed. Another significant hope that I have is to grow a stronger relationship with my group. In order to overcome some of the difficulties that we may face, we need to be comfortable enough to express how we are feeling so to insure each other that nobody is alone in this project.

       
        I am trying not to make any assumptions so that if the conditions do not match my assumptions, which is very likely, I can just accept that what I am given is how it is. All I can do is make the best out of what is handed to me. Unfortunately, because I am a human being, I do find myself caught up in thinking about what my future has in store for me. I know that they will be living in an apartment building in Moline, Illinois, but have not heard very much else about what they will call their home. I assume that because their are so many refugee families that World Relief has taken under their wing, the conditions are not as ideal as what I am accustomed to. It would be very difficult for this foundation to provide expensive living for these families, so I assume that it will not be as cleanly and big as my home, but I understand their situation and will do my best to overcome any challenges I face with the apartment. I can also assume that the family may not like me at first because they may not see at first how understanding I am of their situation and what they have had to go through. Even so, I will do my best to keep my head up and know that even if they push me away at first, they still need my help. 

       
        All that I know about the refugee population is what Kelly and one of our facilitations has informed me about them. I know that they were forced out of their homes and their lives have been filled with challenges that I could never imagine facing. They had to deal with military men, guns, and violence all around them. I especially cannot imagine having this as part of my childhood. I can only assume that one of their first emotions that they have felt is fear. Being a parent in their situation must be extremely heart breaking as well. Knowing that what you call your home for so many years and then watching that very home being torn away from your children. I assume that these parents feel some what responsible for putting their children in that situation even though it was not their fault at all. Also, having to know that you may never see your homeland again must be so hard for them and I will do my best to learn to understand how they are feeling.

       
        My greatest passion is to help people that need me most. All through high school, I would be that friend that anyone could turn to whether it was for advice or if they just needed someone to listen to them. I have the tendency to take the emotions of the people that I am helping and take them in as my own. I am very good at looking at the world through other peoples eyes as well as connecting to how they feel. A key part of any decisions that I make is how the people around me are going to be affected by me. I have put myself in situations that are not always the best, but I do not regret many of my mistakes because they make me the person I am today. They allow me to go back to a time when I might have felt the same as someone else and decide what I needed most in that time of need and use that to give to others. This has also been a large part of my career choice as well. Although being a physical therapist is mainly for physical needs, I intend to help my patients in any mental and emotional way that I can. This family that I am blessed to be given the chance to help needs me more than anyone else I have ever helped before. I am excited to expand my passion as much as needed in order to help this family as best as I can.

Learning is about acquiring and retaining knowledge that you did not have before. When giving service to families in need you are learning about how a different group of people has to live to survive. Personal and physical experience can teach you just as much if not more than any professor in the world. You only have one life to live and no two lives are lived the same. By reaching out and helping another person's life you are giving yourself the opportunity to learn more about the reality of life rather than only looking at the world through your eyes. To be able to experience first hand a life being changed is more memorable later in life than anything you can read in a book.